Keepin' it real.

“I built a mighty fortress ten thousand burdens high.”

I spent the last week or so feeling really sorry for myself. I was lost in my misery - lost under a pile of things to do that felt like they were never going to end - drowning in life - and there was no stopping me.

The fact is my job is incredibly hard. We sometimes spend an hour after work just regaining composure (and eating 25 pieces of candy). There are days when you really don’t feel like you’re going to survive. I’m sure some of you, many of you can relate. No matter what you do, life is hard. I felt it taking a toll on my body, taking a toll on my mind, taking a toll on my emotional health. I’m not usually one to sulk for more than a couple hours tops, and yet I was going days without feeling like myself. For days on end I felt like I could cry at the drop of a hat. In my mind I knew better... I knew I would normally smile at things. I knew things would get better. I knew I was going to be okay. But, I was tired of feeling like I had to hold it together. I would drive home and feel like I just survived a bomb going off, but was still in shock. I didn't want to pretend like everything was fine anymore.

At the same time, people were pouring into my soul like never before and I knew God was the orchestrator of it all. People were leaving me gifts, listening to my cries, sending me encouraging messages - and I was still stuck. And the thing is, there was no magic answer. There was no ah-ha moment. There was no magical interaction with a child. In fact, I left school today with about three disasters on my mind, and still have 236453 things on my to do list.

But, I got up every day and I pushed through. I tried to my best to give it all I had for as long as I could. I gave myself constant pep talks. I prayed the same prayer over and over. “God, I need Your help. Please help me.” I listened to kLove even when I didn’t feel like it. I talked with people who cared. I went home and I stared at the TV. I shed a couple tears and then took a couple deep breaths. I soaked up all the positive things I could from all the people around me. I kept looking for the good in this world.

And I made it through. You’ve made it through.

There will be more bad weeks. There will be more bad days. The things that brought about my misery haven’t gone away. But if you’re reading this, we’ve made it through worse days. We’ve grown, been stretched, and will continue to face trials.

We’ve also become better, more compassionate, stronger people for it - those are the blessings we often forget to count.